Finding My Way Back Home

Lord, help me find my way back.

For too long I have trudged through the trash heap of long ago pain;

consoling myself with memories;

ignoring the signs that could lead me out of this place,

signs faded with the passage of time.

I have forgotten the person you created me to be ~

instead of rejoicing in my uniqueness, I danced a somber dance;

rejoicing instead in my failures;

drawing those around me into “poor me” mantras ~

hoping to exorcise the darkness within.

I prayed so long and I waited. .

I waited but no answer did you make,

at least not the one I’d hoped.

Like a defiant child I stomped my foot with cries of “I can do it myself”;

believing I was the center of my universe. . .

the universe You created. . .not me.

So, further down the road I walked

and found my refuge here;

among the weeds and thorns of my life;

painful, yet familiar,

easier to stay and adjust my eyes to the darkness;

unwilling to reap the love You sowed along the way. . .

Long ago Your song sounded sweet in my ears and familiar to my heart;

how I longed to hear that song again. . .

But I remember someone once said, “You can never go home again”.

I know pride was my great deceiver and I followed where it led,

too embarrassed to turn back and seek Your face. . .

Anyway, what’s the point?  “You can never go home again”.

I’m so tired and alone; ashamed of the mess I made.

I want so much to be with you, to swallow this pride and start my long journey back, back to the home I left so long ago. . .

“You can never go home again”.

I turn to You O God and I pray; not with words but with every breath I take

With every beat of my heart I want to go home again. . .

Just when I was beginning to believe I could never go home again, I heard your song. . .

Words so loud and clear, so familiar, so full of love.

“Come back to me with all your heart!  I have prepared a place for you, come and

be healed.”

Can it be the long-awaited epiphany has come?

I realize now that you were there all the time; not one “I told you so” on your lips, only this question. . .

“When are you coming home?”

Sandy Ozanich – copyright 2012

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