Some Days There Is Just Too Much Sadness

Today my son came downstairs and told us that his good friend of years ago was dead.  My son and this young man parted ways about 6 years ago.  My son wrestled with the decision to break the friendship because his friend was into hard drugs and he didn’t want any part of it.  Overnight his friend died from an overdose.

I remember my son talking to me about this potential breaking of his friendship while I was in the hospital 6 years ago.  I had had my double lung transplant the year before and I was in because I had the flu.  My son came over to visit and he was really upset about his friend.  He told me that he was thinking about breaking the friendship but he felt torn because his friend was so much into the drugs that my son was afraid that is something happened to his friend, my son wasn’t sure he could handle the aftermath.  He said he would feel extremely guilty for “abandoning” his friend in his time of need.

I completely understood his feelings but I told him that his friend was going to do what he wanted to do regardless of how close or not he stayed with him.

It’s such a hard thing.  I asked my son if he was ok and he told me that he was.  He said that he mourned his friend 6 years ago, he just happened to die today.

I know how it feels to lose someone so close.  In 1972 I lost my brother at the age of 14.  He was found hanging on his closet door one Saturday night.  Our mom found him.  I wasn’t living at home at the time and I can tell you  that this news was the most painful news I had ever received.  For my parents and siblings it was the thing that tore us apart.  My mother, father and a sister has also passed since then.  None of these things are easy to bear.  My mother and father’s precarious marriage did not survive my brother’s death.  Many of us siblings fell apart also.

I plan on  going to the funeral home to hug his mom and dad and his sister.  There are no words that can ease the pain, but a hug from someone who can at least understand the feelings may help somewhat.

Please pray for Ian and his family.

Sandy Ozanich (c) 2012

9 thoughts on “Some Days There Is Just Too Much Sadness

  1. I don’t want to LIKE a post that’s so heartbreaking, but I appreciate what you’re saying. Your son did the right thing. I’m so sorry to read about your brother’s death and how it devastated your lives.

    • Christine, I hear you. It is a devastating thing to bear. My heart goes out
      to Ian and his family. My son and he would smoke weed together (I was not happy
      about that either) but when Ian moved on to hard drugs that’s when my son said
      no. I hope others see and help their friends and family to try to nip this thing
      in the bud. I would say to do whatever you can to get the person to stop and if it
      is your child to get them into treatment however you can.

      But as I said, if it is something they want to do, many times they will succeed.

      Thanks for you kind comments.

  2. Thank you, Sandy. Icannot put into words my feelings upon reading your entry. So much pain, so much suffering, so much grieving. God alone is the anchor in our lives when faced with such tragedies. You are a woman of deep faith. I pray for you and for your son.

    Brother Andre

    • Brother Andre, I appreciate your kind words. . .yes, these life experiences are so difficult to bear. When my son told me about Ian’s death I got a lump in my throat and my heart. He was 28yrs old. I pray for God’s loving mercy on Ian and peace for his family. I pray for my son, Brian for fortitude and a longing for God once again.

      Many blessings to you

  3. Sandy, I am holding you heart and soul. This is just too much sadness. I appreciate your ability to share with such honesty and depth. To share the “too muchness” of life. It somehow helps me to expand my way of being human and “keeping the faith.” I am holding with honor and prayer your life story now and in your childhood years and realizing all that is part of your “wounded healer” self. Praying for Ian and family, you, Brian.

    Loving you and grateful for you,

  4. An amazing post. He mourned the fate of his friend long before his passing… That hits home for me too. I lack a lot of compassion when it comes to death, because there are lessons to be learned from it. Your writing inspires me, and I am grateful for that as well as you.

    • Thank you for your kind words. Yes, my son amazed me with that statement that he mourned his friend 6 years ago and he just happened to die today.
      I appreciate your follow and I will be checking out your blog posts in a day or two when I get more time. You certainly have a gift as well.
      Sandy O

  5. Dear Sandy, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son’s friend. Addiction is extremely devastating and, unfortunately, can end fatally. I worked with troubled and often addicted adolescents. It was so sad to see such young people out of control. My heart goes out to your son and the Ian’s family. Also, thank you for visiting my blog, beyond two worlds.

  6. This is so painful to read. I feel so sad for your son; but he sounds as if he understands, and knows too that he could not have changed things. My husband committed suicide after we separated – many years ago now but I still feel it; I know that the guilt is the most overwhelming feeling. These things are so agonizing; there is nothing for it but to wait for time to wash away a little of the pain. But it never does completely. We just have to realize that. Too much sadness, indeed. But I know that you will get through it, and your son will, too. The more you talk to each other about it, the better.

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