My husband and I went to the funeral home to visit Ian, who died last Saturday night, and to be with his mom, dad and sister. I can’t tell you how very sorrowful this visit was. I don’t need to tell you that when a man/child of 28 dies of a drug overdose, it is another life lost to the destructive, evil of drugs.
How does a parent get in touch with this awful truth? How does a sister contain her grief at the loss of her brother and friend? It is an inexpressible place you go to in order to deal with the silence, the thoughts and memories, the sadness that tortures and plays with your head. Did I do enough to try to get him to stop? Did I listen when he had things to say? In the end all you can say is, “I did what I could, the rest was up to him”.
I do have a certain expertise in this area because my 14 yr old brother hanged himself when I was 21. I know the pain and the constant guilt that me and my family went through right after it happened. We all questioned ourselves, did he say something that would have warned me and I didn’t see it? Was he reaching out to us and we just didn’t see?
Although Ian’s death was not a suicide, the aftermath is pretty much the same as what we went through. . .all those questions. . .all those what may have beens. . .what if’s. . .
I pray that Ian is in a safe Heaven where he suffers no more. I pray that his parents and sister find the peace they so desperately need. . .I pray for all who are troubled with drugs or alcohol or any other addiction that is deadly.
May God give you all peace, joy and strength for the journey,
Sandy Ozanich (c) 2012