Wherever you are. . .
When I first learned that my father was not my “real” father at the age of 14, I was just bewildered, not really mad or angry. I just felt kind of weird. I remember the scene so very well. I was in the kitchen with mom as she was baking. Don’t know what she was baking, but she baked a lot and it smelled so very good.
Anyway she just felt the need to tell me. She had good reason. We had some aunts who could be very nasty about things like this. She was concerned that someone else would tell me in a not so nice way and she didn’t want me to find out that way.
Mom told me the story. . .it was just one of those “it just happened” things. You enlisted in the Army and when you came home on leave, there was mom, very pregnant. She told you that the baby was yours. She said you never came back. You know, I really don’t hold that against you. If my memory is correct, you were in your 20’s and in the Army. I’m just sad that it hurt mom.
I thought of you often over the years and wondered what you look like, how you sound and would you like me. I wanted to know you, but I also didn’t want to barge in on your family if you had one. How would that be for a family of yours to find me on the doorstep saying, “Hi Dad!” I just don’t think that would be a good scene. Sometimes we just have to leave things where they are.
It is quite possible that you are still alive. I would guess you would be in your eighties about now.
I want to thank you for several things. First of all I want to thank you for my life. It hasn’t been the most wonderful of lives, but we all have our sadness and tragedies, but we also have our joy and happiness.
I want you to know that I love you wherever you are. I hope you’ve had a happy life, full of joy and tragedy because I believe we learn more from our tragedies because they help us to truly enjoy the good parts of our life.
I hope you know God, and I’m guessing that I inherited my love for God from you.
I also want you to know that when I pass from this life I expect you to be waiting for me so I can know who you were and are because every girl deserves to hug her father!
God Bless you dad. . .
Your daughter, Sandy