He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother

It was so cold that January morning; in fact  the whole world seemed cold as we stood and watched the pallbearers place the coffin on its bier.  We were a small group; mourners in this circus of red-rimmed eyes and pale faces.

Who could really believe what we were witnessing or understand the relief of that young body who struggled through his short life.  Would anyone in the years to come truly say that perhaps his death was not so much a tragedy as a welcome release from the pain that lived in him?  None of us know the answer, for we struggle through our own pieces of pain and unanswered questions about this life we were given – unbidden and perhaps for some of us – unwanted.

The service had begun and the words of hope, peace, and love and “the world to come” somehow sounded better than we’d ever heard before.  We needed to believe that there is a world to come that is all of those things.

As the priest continued the prayers, my younger brother Tim leaned over and tugged on Al’s sleeve.  Al was married to our sister Renee and was one of the pallbearers.

“Hey Al”, whispered Tim, “was it heavy?  I mean, was it hard to carry?”  Al leaned over with a smile on his face and a tear to match and said, “he ain’t heavy Tim, he’s my brother”.  “Oh” Tim sighed.  That was all he needed to know then.

And so the years began, or should I say the years continued for this family who tried so hard and fell so often. . .a family who stumbled helplessly and hopelessly into the outstretched arm of God’s outrageous mercy and compassion. . .

The road is long, with many a winding turn.

that leads us to who knows where, who knows where.

But, I’m strong, strong enough to carry him. . .

He aint heavy, he’s my brother.

So on we go, his welfare is my concern.

No burden is he to bear, we’ll get there.

And I know he would not encumber me. . .

He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.

If I’m laden at all, I’m laden with sadness

that everyone’s heart isn’t  filled with the gladness

of love for one another.

It’s a long, long road from which there is no return.

While we’re on the way to there, why not share?

And the load doesn’t weigh me down at all. . .

He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.

(Lyrics from: He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother ~ Performed by the Hollies)

This is a true story, written in memory of my young brother Tommy who died in January of 1972. l still miss him  He was only 14 years old and in the years since we have lost our parents within 18 months of each other and another sibling, Denise at the age of 40 in a car crash in Florida in the year 2000.

Life contains so many wonderful moments of pure joy, grace and happiness.  Life also carries within it sadness that can’t be consoled. . .deep painful moments.  But through the grace and blessing of our good God we survive, we go on, we become stronger, we become who God wants us to be. . .people of blessing, people who know how to share, to give and receive from others.  My prayer for myself and all of you is that we stay open to what God has in store for us. Gratitude for our life is a wonderful prayer to offer and God will pleased with your efforts.

Sandy Ozanich (c) May 2013

Happy Heart Day!

My heart belongs to my husband Tom, my grown children Megan, Kelly and Brian. . .also our 4 grandchildren, Colby, Nathan, Maya and Natalie.  What heart can contain the love of parents for children AND grandchildren. . .

However, I am only able to love them because God loves me first and I love God first, although I must admit that I don’t always love God first.  Loving God first helps us to love  those around us, our family, friends and even those who aren’t that loveable to us.

It takes a lot of heart to love and be loved!  Be that source of love and encouragement to those around you.  This world will be a much better place for you and for your little corner of the world!!!

As a friend of mine says, “LOVE WINS!!!”

 

Sandy Ozanich ~ Copyright 2012

What A Day. . .

I’m having a crappy day today and as a matter of fact the whole weekend was rather crappy.

My body hurts, I’m tired and sweaty.  It’s my joints really that are hurting.  More than that I didn’t go to work on Friday nor today, which is Monday.  Here’s the thing, I’m feeling absolutely guilty for not showing up.  I sent my husband to pick up our grandson for school and I called off work.

I know that sometimes my body just says, “That’s it!  Had enough this week.”  I hate feeling like this because it brings me down into that place where I would rather not be.  I also had some terrible nightmares ~ and I rarely if ever remember those.

I just had to rant a little because I’ve been through this before and I am asking God to help me see what it is I am missing.  Maybe I’m not missing anything at all, maybe it’s just one of those days. . .What am I supposed to learn from this situation.  And then again, I do have the bad habit of over-analyzing everything.  I hate that too.

So, okay, not every day is a pleasant experience and I thought I’d share mine with you.  Aren’t you glad I did???

I will pray for you ~ I ask that you pray for me.

Sandy Ozanich ~ Copyright 2012

God Does Not Die. . .

“God does not die on the day we cease to believe in a personal deity, but we die on the day when our lives cease to be illuminated by the steady radiance, renewed daily, of a wonder, the source of which is beyond all reason.”  Dag Hammarskjold

I was cleaning out my computer room, the one that actually gets all the STUFF that none of us know what to do with right away.  Which is another way of saying that it will stay there until I throw it all out.

I came across this quote from Dag Hammarskjold and began to think about what it is trying to say.

I hear this quote saying that if I allow my day to day life to go on without communicating with God, giving my day and my activities to Him, my life will become dry, dreary and without true life. . .it will be as if I am dead inside.  Eventually those I interact with will notice the change.  I will appear as one who doesn’t care about anything, who walks in darkness without rhyme or reason.

Lord, help me to see how much I need to connect with you each and every day.  That is through Your love I find light and life.  Help me to see that being close to you brings me closer to your creation and your people.  I want to thank You for Your love, inspiration and Your constant reminder that to love another is to love You.  Amen

Sandy Ozanich ~ Copyright 2012

The Challenge

The challenge has been placed before me.  Do I dare refuse the man whose whole earthly life was spent in consecration, in humility, in suffering for my sins?  My gratitude to the Lord of Creation places before me the quest of becoming like Him, whether convenient or inconvenient.  What is in my past my gracious Lord has forgiven.  What lies in my present, my loving Lord guides.  What lies head of me, I do not know.  I can only be sure of this,  Jesus Christ is my Lord ~ yesterday, today and tomorrow and I belong to Him.  I consecrate myself to Him.  I live only for Him.  In all my imperfections, I know He purifies me.  Let me not oh Lord resist your loving hand.  Let me realize myself as someone in need of Your love and patient forgiveness.  May I always accept humbly and graciously Your love, Your chastening, Your forgiveness, Your call to holiness!

Sandy Ozanich ~ Copyright 2012

The Watchman

He was standing in the  doorway

looking taller than the night,

and His eyes became like dancing flames

as they caught the soft moonlight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And as I walked on toward Him

He quickly left that place,

but I followed close behind Him

never knowing what we’d face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

He led me to an open field

where the sheep and little lambs grew,

and He laid his hand upon me

and spoke these words so new.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Feed my sheep and warm their hearts,

never leave them all alone.

You are the watchman of my flock,

so give my sheep a home.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He didn’t say another word

but slowly walked away,

and yet I knew beyond a doubt

that I had found aa way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pondered on the words He’d said

and thought about the way

he never had to raise His voice

to make me learn to pray.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I simply followed close behind,

drawn by this strange new man

who spoke with such authority

by simply raising His hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t realize then my friend

the power He possessed,

but I knew I wanted more of this

new joy that filled my breast!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And then one day I saw Him ~

at least I thought it was

the same man who had led me

to that field among the straws ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His face was torn and beaten,

His legs were black and blue ~

but I never will forget those eyes

that had that dancing hue!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As fear began to grip me

He slowly turned my way

and gave me such a peaceful smile

that all I did was say,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’ll follow anywhere You go

and do those things You choose,

because a man with all Your strength

can never, ever lose!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And as He hung upon that cross,

His love for us was sealed,

because He suffered for us all

and to us He revealed. . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That He’s the Son of God on High

His gentle touch was felt

by the strongest men in all the world

and at His gaze they’d melt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But, even more exciting is

the day He rose again

because we know that we ourselves

will rise up like He did!

Sandy Ozanich ~ Copyright 2012

Breath of Faith

Jesus, restore me to the land of the living!

Give to me the  breath of faith. . .

I brought my death with me

like so much challenged hope!

Place within me a heart of flesh.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I carried on my shoulder all  the negatives and hates. . .

dying for life. . .for newness. . .

for resurrection!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Send forth your Spirit and the face of the earth shall be renewed.

My very spirit sprouts wings of joy!

and here I stand. . .expectant. . .humble. . .

trembling with the love of it all,

yearning with all my heart for that which is good, strong, holy. . .

~~~~~~~~~~~

And so, all within me that was death has been risen!

A new life has been born of the old!

~~~~~~~~~~~

My heart’s desire was Your gift to me.

Rejoice and be glad my heart, for you have touched that which is real.

God has gifted you with His reality, His life,

His breath of faith.

Sandy Ozanich ~ Copyright 2012

The Presence

I peer into the face of my lonliness expecting nothing. . .

I peer into the face of my pain ~ wanting all love and hope ~ believing in nothing at all.  I looked into  the eyes of my sorrow and lost myself in the Presence.

In the arms of my past memories I felt the hope so l long ago faded, but now resurrected in the light of new found striving. . .and I see You, my neglected friend, searching me with Your smile, Your unencumbered love ~ knowing me well yet loving me still.

And when I find loving so difficult, so painful and caring too much of a burden to bear, when the road before me turns dark and silent, You are there. . .willing me on, smiling me into existence, tugging at me with Your eyes, holding me with Your glance ~ for it is all I can stand; a loving glance, a longing for truth in a world cold and sterile ~ my world, my making, my self-imposed tomb.

In these hours of desperate need, when what I desire is too painful to accomplish or realize, it is in this that my thoughts turn to you and ask why.  Why must it be so?  How can one go on when the force, the desire, the need turns cold before Your face?

I felt from time to time like one big bruise.  That any touch is painful, even loving ones.  I remember a time when I fell and scraped my knees and bruised my side and my mom kissed it and soothed it with ointment.  I remember that even those loving touches were painful. . .the promise of “let me kiss it and make it better” was painful.

Yet, the love continued, the nurturing went on and soon the painful became just a memory and the love and care took its place.  I know that this pain will pass.  You have “kissed” my hurt and held me in your love, even though that too was painful.

Love and life is a messy thing said Fr. Dan Sullivan CP and he was right.  It asks everything of me, it pulls me in all directions and leads me in ways I wish not to go.  But  go on I must for I am a creature of Love and you are a creature of Love.

Our existence has only one truth, one purpose ~ to love, to smile into existence those who are also searching the faces of their lonliness, their sorrow, their pain.

Sandy Ozanich ~ Copyright 1990

When A Life Ends. . .

Today I learned that a friend of my son, 31 yrs of age, was stabbed to death yesterday.  Kevin came to our home many times.  He had a beautiful smile, soft-spoken and very polite and kind to me.  He always stopped in the living room to chat with me for a bit before he would go upstairs to our son’s room.  He’d say “How’s it goin’ Mrs. O?  You been alright?”  He knew about my double lung transplant and always asked how I was feeling.

The other part of his story is that he would sell “weed” to my son and a few others. I kind of suspected it, but I was never told that.  But right now I just care about his family who has lost a son or a brother or an uncle.  My heart hurts knowing that I won’t see that smile again or hear him ask me how I’m feeling.

I don’t excuse what he was doing, but I also don’t condemn him.  I cared about him.

I place Kevin in God’s good mercy and forgiveness and beg for his soul as you would any young person who meets his God this way.  I have compassion for him – I can’t imagine God not having compassion on him.

God Bless You Kevin!  And God Bless Kevin’s family!!!

And God bless all of you who offer a prayer for him this night!!!

Sandy Ozanich ~ Copyright 2012

A Place For Humanity

A Place For Humanity.